A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
We need to rekindle our bromance
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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