Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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