so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
