she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
