just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The uberlube is also flammable
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
