I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
