Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize