In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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