Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
sick fucks of a feather flock together
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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