I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
