i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
