your room smells of hookers.
And success
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
