if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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