My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
