i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
