I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
