i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
