My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
