Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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