I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
someone owes me an orgasm
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
