I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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