I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
