he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
