Sponge bath it is.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
