umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
