So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
wakey wakey hands off snakey
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
