im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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