some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
