So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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