Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
