with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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