sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
