i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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