Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
