Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize