I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
