well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
