the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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