I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Be still, my beating vagina.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
