he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
