I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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