paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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