You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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