It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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