community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
