Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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