3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize
