btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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