Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize