I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
