How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
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