We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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