I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
