i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
