just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
