Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
