Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
