So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
