Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
