but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
