Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize