ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
