Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
