I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
