well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
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