i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
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