I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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