Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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