I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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