A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
