Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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