Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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