I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
